Do you know how it feels like to have so much hate in you? To feel like life isn’t worth living anymore, that there are so many problems ahead of you that daunt you to the extreme even when you try your best to be strong? Do you know what it feels like to be incapable of being optimistic even when you tried your best, and to feel your stomach wrenched up in knots from all that frustration and desperation? Why isn’t your best ever good enough?

Why is it so hard to be happy? Is happiness really a choice, or something that can only be bestowed upon you? What happens when you’re thrown so many curves in life that being genuinely happy becomes only a far-fetched dream? Happiness is an on-going battle. I hope it’s worth it.

This is so fucking hard and exhausting. This is wearing me out. Need time to move away, to get away from it and to rediscover myself. To find that strength to carry on. I feel like I never have enough support for everything and anything I do. This solitude wears me thin, since most of the time I don’t even half the heart to tell anyone because honestly, who the fuck genuinely cares?

Damned. This life is so fucking damned.

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